What should you do if your sex life isn’t that great? Many men and women find it difficult to cope with a relationship where everything else is perfect, except the sex. You set the mood, you get on with the experience, but the sparks just don’t fly!
If you have had a similar experience, what should you do? Most don’t have a clue; but it really is possible to turn bad sex into a great experience; all you need to do is take the right approach and handle the matter in a sensitive and sensible manner.
Here’s a three step approach that can work wonders for a couple.
Step 1: Identify the problem. It isn’t always a physical or physiological problem. Sometimes, it can just be a mental hurdle. For example, many women are turned off by the idea that their partners have the ‘have to do it’ attitude about sex.
Sometimes, it’s as simple a problem as body odor that is a big turn-off. In such circumstances, it isn’t really difficult to understand why the sexual encounters aren’t that good. But at times, the problems are a little more complicated.
For women, lovemaking and having sex aren’t the same. If you are just into the technical part of it, your partner is sure to be dissatisfied with the experience. And this will reflect on your sexual encounters in the future.
Step 2: Communicate. Once you have a clear idea about what you don’t like in bed comes the awkward part – talking about it. Remember, your partner isn’t a mind-reader. You need to talk; otherwise they will never know and you’ll continue to lead a wretched sexual life.
How do you broach such a sensitive topic? Never be critical; it’ll only hurt their ego. Instead of saying blatantly ‘I don’t like this’, try saying ‘What if we tried something different’. You’ll be surprised at how easier things become when you two talk about it.
Don’t restrict your opinion to the discussion. Direct them while you are at it. Lead their hands to the sensitive spots that turn you on, ask them how they feel when you touch a specific spot, and tell them how you love to be with them.
Arousal is more of a psychological phenomenon than a physical one. Foreplay is an essential part of sex, as it helps both the partners to reach the level of anticipation where sex becomes an intense and pleasurable experience.
Step 3: Introduce new ideas. While you need to respect your partner’s likes and dislikes, it is always a good idea to experiment. Watch an educational video together (not porn), get a sex toy, and master new ways to tease to boost the tension.
Be careful with the selection of the sex toy though. Your partner may not be open to the idea at first. Talk about why you think it’s a good idea, as it adds a new dimension to the sexual encounter. But if they aren’t comfortable, drop it.
An intentional mess can also be a good turn-on. Put a little honey or melted chocolate on a sensitive spot and lap it up with your tongue. It will send shivers down her spine! And remember, a woman has numerous sensitive spots; the breasts aren’t your only option.
When you are open and communicative, your sex life is sure to improve.
However, if the problem still persists, you need not give up on the relationship. In such a situation, it is best to consult a sexologist who can help you understand the problem, and direct you to a suitable solution.
Don’t let bad sex ruin your relationship. Sit up and take the reins; do what it takes to add spark to your sexual life. Let your partner help you in discovering what isn’t going right, and soon you’ll be having the time of your life.
